Hai La!

These words are, sadly, disappearing from my vocabulary.

Jhakaas, hool, jhol, khajuur, popat, pakaa math, chickad (not keechad), bore (not ber), khunnas (not coolness), kaanda (not pyaz), batata (not aalu), timepass, various verbs followed by rela hai (for example, dekh rela hai), ssssschhhoooooolllarrrrrrrr (ultimate testimonial of intelligence), all the C’s and its variations (too many to list individually), boss (not the boss), pikchure, fillum, talkies, khaternaak, tickit, tation, phati, phat gai, phatakadi, kuthe, kamine, saale, halkat, dharti pe bhoj, lagori, chupa chupi, ops (stand), bats (sit), dabba ispice, dabba batli wala, radhi, gadha, suvar, komdi, ghanta, jhopadpatti, gutter, chawl, gali, nukkad, khopcha, bas kya, a ,be, abe, oye, yaar, maidam, memsaab, aunty, sister, mister, hero, tapori, chikna, chikni, item, shining, vagiera vagiera.

Dada

To me, Sourav Ganguly's defining moment was when he took off his shirt, waved it in the air and shouted unmentionables at Lords after winning the Natwest series. This incident was considered deplorable by cricket's gentlemanly standards but it was a fair rebuttal to similar antics by Flintoff during the previous series at home. More importantly, it showed that Indians could finally also play the game with aggression and killer instinct. During that game, Ganguly led by example with a solid half century before passing the baton on to the youngsters in the team, Kaif and Yuvraj to finish the game. It was a showcase of what the world could expect from us during World Cup 2003. I mention this incident because it's important to recognize and celebrate the contributions of a great cricketer.

Coming to the issue of whether he deserves a place in the ODI/Test side or not, it is equally important to recognize where Ganguly stands today on the basis of performance over the last 2-3 years rather than the glory of the past. Everyone keeps talking about his aggregate of over 10,000 runs at an average of about 40. What we forget, is that Ganguly's average has been steadily declining over the past few years. During his heyday, his average used to be in the 50s. When he walked to the crease there was a sense of comfort that he would invariably achieve a big score. Does anyone, even his ardent supporters have that sense of confidence anymore? Sure he scored 40 and 39 in the last test. Out of how many balls? 129 and 115. Thats two runs of every over he faced. Is that the Ganguly we remember? I am not saying that he was treated fairly when he was dropped from the third test. The selectors goofed up there. But his day in the sunshine is over and no one deserves a place in the side based purely on past glory. It would have been great if everyone including Ganguly recognized this series as his farewell series and he went out with guns blazing and his head held high (a la Steve Waugh). That could happen in the Pak series as well.

Christmas OD

Eggnog, Rudolph, snow, elves, red, Santa's sleigh, snow, shopping for gifts, white, stockings, decorations, more snow.

Do you have the Christmas spirit? I would if I wasn't surrounded by everything Christmassy this time of the year. Christmas starts the day after Thanksgiving and ends a couple of weeks into January. That’s what popular media would have us believe. It's really hard to keep up the Christmas spirit for over 6 weeks.

All primetime shows on free-to-air channels have been hoodwinked by Santa Claus. Your choice of shows is between 'How everyone is trying to steal Christmas', 'Adventures of Rudolf or Santa or The elves or anyone trying to save Christmas', or 'Fear factor: Christmas special with 100 year old eggnog and reindeer testicles'. And everyone is celebrating Christmas on the regular shows. The ABC logo has a snow crystal motif. All commercials are red and white and saccharine sweet. And if I hear the 'Let it snow' song one more time, I will track down the living or dead lyricist of that song and ask him to shovel my driveway. Why would anyone want it to snow? I go through the ordeal of checking the shows for the day on the Comcast TV guide with the ridiculous hope of finding something totally unrelated to Christmas and end up watching repeats of The Sopranos on HBO. A show that glorifies immorality is the perfect antidote for Christmas. Thank God for HBO and On Demand.

When there is nothing to watch on TV, everyone gets into ridiculous arguments because they don't know what to do with themselves. So the nation's politicians debate over whether the proper way to greet someone is 'Happy Holidays' or 'Merry Christmas'. It reminds me of my 4th standard class teacher (Edna Mascarenhas, sexy legs adorned in short skirts, first crush) who would remind my class that it's 'Merry Christmas' not 'Happy Christmas'. Shows where the national debate belongs...in a 4th grade classroom.

Here's the problem. America has only one big festival. Now, don't say Thanksgiving. They just made that up. 'Indians', thanks for welcoming us and letting us in. Now, we are going to kill all of you, take over your land and remember that every year by killing all the turkeys. After that it will be time for Christmas where we will eat any remaining turkeys. The rest of the year we'll breed more turkeys.

America needs to follow the example set by India and have festivals right through the year. Every Diwali is preceded by Dussehra and followed by Christmas and New Year's Eve. That way Diwali is only celebrated on TV for about 2 weeks. After that we have Pongal/Sankranti, Holi, births and deaths of our national leaders (time to watch the movie Gandhi again), Baisakhi, Onam, Id, Hindu New Year (what's better than breaking two sets of resolutions every year), birthdays of numerous Gods and Goddesses which fall on different days every year (nice touch - to keep the variety going). Life becomes so much simpler for marketing and media executives and you get to see a different celebration every week on TV.

So, this is what the marketing gurus need to do. They need to invent more reasons to celebrate. It has been done before, you know. Valentine's Day is the most significant fabrication of the marketing industry. How about a Love Thy Neighbor Day between Thanksgiving and Christmas? Do you know your neighbor's complete name and where they work? 95% of America will say NO in that opinion poll. It would be a good day to share the leftover turkey in your fridge with thy neighbor and get to know their names. This will break the monotony of what we watch on TV towards the end of the year and give us a different materialistic reason to shop. In spring, you celebrate Thank God, The Snow Has Finally Stopped Day. In summer, the Barbeque Chicken Day (hey, don't forget to eat all the chicken). Between 4th of July and Thanksgiving, you celebrate There's No More Chicken Or Turkey Left So It’s Time For Beef And Pork Day. That way, all year round I can look forward to watching some TV while I eat my tofu.

P.S: Watched President Bush's live speech to the nation last night. That speech was so depressing that I am looking forward to Christmas now. Happy Christmas!